Today seems just like every other day, but it's not. This morning started like every other morning, but it's not. I woke up feeling like normal, but I'm not.
I don't know what has happened. I don't know exactly when it happened. All I know is that it did.
Today, although I am a bit depressed, I don't feel angry, I don't feel betrayed, I don't feel alone. I don't miss him, in fact I don't really feel like anything bad or abnormal has happened. Today I feel as if life has always been like this, like I haven't lost anything. This feeling is more distressing to me than the fact that today I don't miss the man I gave my entire being to. I don't miss the man that I never spent more than one night without in 5 years, never more than a day away from until the day I fled for my safety.
I don't miss him today.
It almost seems unreal but my mind has blocked out the feelings of all the years we were together except for the fear and sorrow and although I remember that, it too, is almost like nothing more than a dream. Our life together is nothing more than a haze to me this morning. A traumatic event enshrouded and wrapped until it's like looking at the events through a piece of muslin, everything softened, everything dream-like and distant.
I don't know how long this will last, but I do know that from this moment on, everything will be different.